Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
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