It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
