I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
