I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
