dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize