People with herpes should wear stickers.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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