tell your sister to shave her snatch
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
