The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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