Screwed.edu
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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