YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
