I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
