dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
