Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
