someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
