i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
