You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
