Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Randomize
