how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
