4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I cockslap morals
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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