What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
