We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
How does it feel to date your dad?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
