The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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