Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It's just like the Real World with babies
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
