I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
