He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Randomize
