that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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