i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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