It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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