i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
vagina is talking i cant
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
