This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
this boner is exhausting
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
