Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
