rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
