I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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