and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
