why didn't you poke me back
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
