i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
