i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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