Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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