I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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