I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I can't turn off my feet"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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