I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
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