And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
