How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
