I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
