i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
