My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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