So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
