I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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