May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
