I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
