Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
