Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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