Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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