her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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