Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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