on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
