Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
