Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
