Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
