I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
