Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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