Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
