Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i out mim tonsoeep
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
