We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
