I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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