a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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