dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
