i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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