I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Randomize
