Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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