I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
