so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
How external is "for external use only"?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
