is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
