How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You ruined the universe
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
