this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
