well you can't waste a boner
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just found puke in my bra..
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize