my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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