He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just invented taco cereal.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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