So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
