God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize