Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He has the fingertips of a God
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