Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I smell stomach acid.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Randomize
