were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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