She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
