haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
