you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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