You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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