Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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