Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
