I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
