i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
