Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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