first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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