and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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