She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
