I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
