What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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