Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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