i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
