i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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