Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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